Rooted in Love
My childhood was chaotic. Not in the sense of busy but in more of the sense of the unknown. There was lots of uncertainty daily. Would someone be home? Would the electricity work? Would there be arguments and fighting? Would I have clean clothes? Who will take care of me? What is there to eat?
At a very young age I learned what hunger pains were all about. A common meal would consist of white rice and butter that I would share with our dog Blackjack because I couldn’t let him be hungry like I was. My grandma would bring us food from their farm when she would hear that we didn’t have any food to eat. I would go to neighbors and ask for food. When I was 5 I looked forward to walking 7 blocks to school to be with my friends and I was guaranteed to have something to eat. Yes, I walked alone at 5 years old, 7 blocks!!!! Can you even imagine 5 year olds today walking that far alone?! No phone, no smart watch, and no confirmation they made it. Ahhhhhhh those were the days!!!! I gained so much independence at a young age!
I have an older sister Tera, who at this time was about to be 16. Tera was a typical teenager. In Highschool, she was involved in Poms, hanging with friends, working her job…and trying to be responsible for me. Not fair to a teenager. I wasn’t her responsibility but the adults in our home felt differently.
I was destined to live with my grandparents. I would be there a lot as a child. After several incidents of social services being called, I moved in with my grandma at the age of 7.
My grandma was the best cook! There were so many reasons living with my grandma was amazing but this story is about food! She made homemade bread and buns and cinnamon rolls. I would get farm fresh eggs for breakfast. Bacon, sausage and if I wanted pancakes too, she made it happen. Then I would wash it all down with the biggest glass of :
Sunny D: Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup and 2% or Less of: Concentrated Orange Juice, Concentrated Tangerine Juice, Concentrated Apple Juice, Concentrated Lime Juice, Concentrated Grapefruit Juice, Concentrated Pear Juice, Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Thiamin Hydrochloride (Vitamin B1), Natural Flavor, Modified Cornstarch, Canola Oil, Sodium Citrate, Cellulose Gum, Sucralose, Acesulfame Potassium, Neotame, Sodium Hexametaphosphate, Potassium Sorbate to Protect Flavor, Yellow 5, Yellow 6.
Don’t forget the 16 grams of sugar. Back in 1988 it had a much higher sugar content. It wasn’t until 2003 that they rebranded and made it “healthier” by reducing the sugar content to 12 grams.
My point: I could eat anything I wanted when I wanted. I went from going to bed at night so hungry my stomach would hurt to being so full my stomach would hurt.
There was so much comfort and security that came from my grandparents taking me in. My life had changed in so many ways but again this post is only referring to food.
I was so thankful for all the delicious food. When I would get home from school I would immediately get a sugary snack, and a mountain dew:46 grams of sugar🫨 and I would watch Power Rangers.
I was developing habits. When we would go grocery shopping I was able to buy anything I wanted. We would go to Burger King every week for Whopper Wednesday’s. I would get the Meal which of course had not only a Whopper with cheese but also a large fry and large soda. Then most every night I would go get us a Klondike ice cream bar while we watched TV.
I had unlimited access to Mountain Dew, sugar filled snacks, ice cream and weekly fast food. We would go for a fish fry every Friday and there I would get bottomless kiddie cocktails with extra cherries of course!
I firmly believe the only reason I didn’t have diabetes was because of my grandmas love of gardening. We grew our own fruits and vegetables and canned them for winter. I think having homegrown food and venison helped balance my blood sugar, but not my weight.
I gained quite a bit of weight when I moved in with grandma and grandpa. It got to the point where all I would wear in 5th grade was wind pants. It wasn’t until 6th grade where I even realized that being heavy was not fun. I didn’t feel good. I felt tired all the time. I had no energy to do sports or even participate in gym class. You probably are thinking “ this is where she made a change.” Nope. I ate more. I craved the sugar and the dopamine fix I would get from it. I loved how close it felt to eat good food with those you love. Every family event was centered around food! Not just any food, but casseroles with extra cheese and every dessert you can think of. Food=Love. I wanted to feel loved and that was a feeling I never wanted to lose.
~Tracy
“Maybe you are searching among the branches for what only appears in the roots”
