Rooted in Parenting
What To Expect When You’re Expecting was my bible when I became pregnant. I wanted to know everything I needed to do to bring kids into the world the best way I possibly could. I remember feeling so empowered that i was going to make all the right choices and do all the right things, just like the book says.
Then the little baby arrives. You forget a lot of what you read because, truthfully your world becomes a blur. You are adjusting to the late nights, several breast feedings, diaper changes, wardrobe changes for both you and your baby due to shit or puke. Eventually, I got into a rhythm & recalled a lot of the great info I read.
What To Expect The First Year is your next owners manual. This was amazing to have as a reference as well. They even have What to Expect The Second Year. 5 books have been published but it doesn’t go beyond age 2.
I have read 3 of the 5 books and I feel that they should have kept the series going with: What to expect when your kids are in Middle School, What to Expect When You Have a Teen, High-Schooler and College Student. Maybe they stopped at the age of 2 because if those kinds of books were published, people would be afraid to have kids!
I don’t know how you feel, but parenting has its up’s and down’s for sure. It’s a love/do I love this relationship. I will feel like, “Damn, I am good and I got this” to “Damnit, what do I do now?”
I often reminisce about the days when it is 7:30pm and I tuck both my kids in their beds knowing that they are home safe. These days I’m waiting for my 16 year old to get home from work, being with friends or getting home from any destination. I think about what my 13 year old is doing when he’s at a friends. Is he making good choices? Is he being respectful? Is he having fun?
As I go thru each of these stages I’m realizing there really is no easy. It’s all in constant change. It will continue to evolve and there is no magic handbook that can really prepare you for what you are embarking on. Faith, Hope and Love are the obvious ingredients. I have Faith they will become exactly who they are meant to be, Hope that as they grow and make mistakes they will learn from them, and Love to support them with their choices so they are the best versions of themselves.
It’s not about raising kids to fit any book. It’s more about giving them roots so they can find their wings. Their purpose is not to do what I think they should do but more to do what feels right to them and they figure that out with my guidance, not my expectations. How can our kids make decisions for themselves if we make all the decisions for them?
When they are little they rely on you for everything. You make their choices for them because this is what creates guidelines. When you become a parent of a Teen your role morphs into something so unfamiliar and it takes time to adjust that’s for sure. I accept the new role but it doesn’t mean it’s easy. They now have to put into practice what you have been modeling for them the last 13 years. This is what we have been preparing for. Seeing our kids growth is very rewarding. When they make mistakes it’s hard to watch but this is necessary for growth. Hopefully they are small mistakes without big consequences, but even the big mistakes there’s a lesson for everyone involved.
Im learning it’s important to focus on the good instead of feeling like everything has to be a teachable moment. Enjoying each Teen with where they are currently at is crucial. It brings me joy when I take the time to just be with them wherever they are. I believe I am transitioning to parenting with more adaptability. This means asking more questions and listening to their answers. It does not mean they get to do whatever they want. Being flexible doesn’t mean allowing them to walk all over you. The more our kids practice decision making the better they will be at it when they become adults and go off to share their light in the world.
Children learn to make decisions by practicing what we have taught them, not by following our exact instructions or expectations that we place upon them. I believe our children really do know what’s best for them because, I have loved and empowered them to do so. That my friend doesn’t come from any book, it comes from Faith, Hope, and Love.
